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by Hanniballover1181
Summary: Follows film cannon, Clarice is back on the case. Please read and respond.Update: Chapter 3 is up!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Dr. Lecter, Clarice Starling, or the recently deceased Paul Krendler. They are the property of Thomas Harris. I am merely borrowing them. This is actually a story that I started along time ago and never finished. . I have since revised parts of it, and am hoping to finish it. Also I stole a line from the movie As Good As It Gets for this chapter..Reviews are greatly appreciated, but please don't flame! I know my English isn't that great. Okey dokey, here we go...

Chapter one.

Clarice walked threw the same dark and narrow FBI hallway everyday . On the way to her office people would pass her

and give her a looks that let her know just how much they loathed the very sight of her. They hated her for capturing James

Gump all those years ago, they hated her for being her, but most off all they hated her for liking Dr. Lecter.

Somehow after all that had transpired at the lake house she still managed to keep her job. A job that forced her to walk

all alone in this world. A job that forced her to give up the husband and children that she might have had. A job that gave her

the daily pleasure of being stared at by people who thought of her as the doctor's leading lady.

To be completely honest it wasn't the nicknames that bothered Clarice, instead it was the destain with which they were

spoken. She hated to be thought of as weak and unruly, yet she was forced to deal with the fact that her coworkers

thought she was both.

How she wondered, had she become so hated. What had she done to deserve this type of treatment? As she walked

threw the hallway Clarice pondered all the moments of her life. She thought of both the good moments and the bad, all of

which have made her who she is today.

Some might consider it unhealthy that she spends so many hours of the day contemplating all the failures of her life,

but for Clarice they are welcome thoughts. Any thought is welcome if it helps provided relief from the other thoughts that

plague her mind daily, the thoughts surrounding him. Yes, Clarice had to admit that while she did not relish the negative

thoughts that she so often has, they do surve a purpose.

They keep her mind from other undesirable thoughts, thoughts about Docter Lecter. Yes Clarice spends a lot of time

trying to force thoughts sorrunding the docter out of her head , but even now they still plague her. She still has his voice in

her head. That charming, beautiful sound that is his voice. Clarice could hear it so clearly. The doctor would say "You serve

the idea of order, Clarice. They don't. You believe in the oath you took, they don't you feel it is your duty to protect the

sheep, they don't.""They don't like you because you're not like them. They hate you and they envy you. They are week and

unruly and believe in nothing."

This day had been different though as Clarice had publicly vocalized her stess. Finally she had enough of this voice in

her head, and she had screamed shut up. It had taken her a few moments and several glances from co- workers for her to

realize that she had said it out loud. Great she has thought to her self,as if it wasn't't enough that the FBI thought of her as

Doctor Lecter's whore, now they were going to believe that she was a raving lunatic.

How she had wondered did I get so hated, what exactly had she done wrong. She had always done everything by the

book.She had begun to wonder if doctor lecter, or Hannibal as she often referred to him when now one was around, was

right maybe that was her problem.

Maybe the fact that she insited on following the rules, was what had alienated her from her coworkers. Yet even as she

had comtemplated this she had known that she couldn't do it any other way. She had known that she could not give up her

morals, values, and beliefs just to be excepted by the FBI. She would rather be hated by her coworkers then have to give up

on the things that she believed in. Those things had made her who she was, Then again her mind had a asked was she

happy with who she was today?

Clarice had not had much chance to contemplate that before another agent had called out to her. "Yes?" She had cried

out hoping to god that she wasn't about to find out that someone else was trying to figure out another way to make her life

miserable. "Agent Starling", the man had said. "Some new information has come into light on Lecter, and we want you

back on the case."

3 days later

How she had gotten on a flight to London had been beyond her, the reason she had agreed to be resigned to Dr.

Lecter's case again was lost on her. All she knew was that when the Agent had shown her the photo taken of Dr. Lecter

and some woman in London, she lost all sense of reason and abruptly agreed to go.

So she had ended up sitting in aisle 14, in between a woman who smelled like she had just come out of a cheese

factory and a rather large man who had actually take of his shoes and socks, and began to pick at his toes. Yes, she had

thought, this was defiantly going to be a long flight.

She had just begun to picture what Doctor Lecter would do to this man for such rudeness as the stewardess came to

take drink orders from her row. She ordered water and then pulled out her walkman and began to listen to the tapes Barney

had given her of her talks with Dr. Lecter. She was trying to get back into the mind set that she felt she would need to

catch him.

It was actually really funny is she thought about it, she usually spent most of her days and nights trying to get him out of

her head, and now she was trying to force herself to concentrate on him alone. Finally after 10 hours, which seemed more

like twenty the pilot had announced that they would begin their decent into the London Heathrow airport.

After claiming her baggage, which was really only one small suitcase as she didn't plan on being here that long. She

started to make her way threw the crowded airport toward the exit. It was just as she had started to open the door that she

had thought she heard his voice.

She had instantly turned around prepared to see him standing there right in front of her. But instead she had seen no

one. After another quick survalience of the area had not provided her with any evidence that he was in fact there she had

decided to move on. The voice she had reasoned to her self, had probably just been his voice inside her had. Then having

convinced convinced herself that searching the airposrt would do little more then waste her time, she had hailed a cab and

asked to be taken to the Blakes hotel. This was the hotel where she had already called and made reservations.

On the ride over she had thought about how happy she was to be taking this trip alone with out some hot shot agent

here looking over her shoulder and watching her every move. It had seemed unreal when they had agreed to send her alone,

it was almost too easy. She has almost expecting them to change their minds and send another agent along. She was very

greatful that they had not though, because if Dr. Lecter was her having another person around would simply put that person

in danger. It would also be much easier, she has thought, to catch him now that she wasn't being forced to babysit some

rookie agent.

By the time she finally got checked in and made it into her room, she nearly collapsed on the floor, she was so

exhausted. The long flight and cab ride had been more then she could take and she had been desperate for some much

needed rest.

She had woken up a few times in the night to the awful screaming of the lambs. She had sat up in her bed sweating

and shaking as her thought of her worst memory from childhood. The awful screaming of the lambs. That sound had scarred

her for life, and it seemed as though she would be stuck listening to it for the rest of her life.

Later that night she had finally managed to get a dream and not a nightmare into her head. She was walking along a

beautiful beach somewhere; With Dr. Lecter at her side and his arm around her and as she walked the feeling she had was

sort of surreal.

The next morning she had woken to the sound of the telephone. She had been rather upset at being forced from her

dream, as she rarely had dreams. She had picked the phone up desperately hoping all the while that it was a wrong

number, as she was in no mood to be forced to talk with someone. A simple and rather angry Yeah had come from her as

an aswer to this unwanted phone call. "Now is that anyway to answer the phone, Agent Starling?" Dr. Lecter had asked.

Clarice had felt her anger instantly conform into some feeling she couldn't quite identify. She had felt some strange state of

nervousness and uncertainty. She had opened her mouth to speak, but had not been able to find the words.

The silence that followed had become increasingly unbearable, and Clarice wondered if he would be content to simply

to have her on the phone, even if all that passed between them was silence. Lucky he soon spoken to her. "You look well

Clarice, he had said if you will permit me to observe". She had remained at a loss for words. "Has the cat got your tongue,

Clarice?" he muttered in a rapsy voice. Finally the gods must have taken pity on her because her voice finally returned to

her, but all she muttered was the usual "I that you, Dr.Lecter?"

"Ah, so Cinderella has finally decided to grant me the pleasure of hearing her voice?'he had asked sounding slightly

amused. At that Clarice had begun to laugh, and she had to admit that this certainly was the most fun that she had in a

long time.

"No disrespect Dr.Lecter, she had said, But I don't exactly feel like Cinderella and you certainty are no Prince

Charming."

"Oh, Clarice you hurt my feelings" he said in what she had quickly recognized as mock exasperation. "How are you

feeling, Agent Starling?" At that point she had reminded herself of who she was and what she had come here to do. "I'm

fine Dr. Lecter" she sad her voice sharp. Suddenly he had seemed angry. "I had thought you knew better then to lie to me"

he had said the tone of his voice had sent shivers down her spine.

That set her off. "Well what would you rather I say, Dr. Lecter, that life sinks. You want me tell you how I live alone,

have no friends, everyone at work hates me , and now I'm stuck alone with one of Americas most wanted serial killers . But

other then that my life is great. Are we finished now?"

He had seemed a lot calmer when he spoke next "There is no reason to be upset Agent Starling, I was simply trying

to make polite conversation..."

She had been so angry that she hadn't even thought of how rude he might consider her interrupting him to be.

Excuse me, but did you just say polite conversation, you are an escaped convict on the phone with an FBI agent, and you

want to make polite conversation she had said, her tone expressing her frustration. Tell me something, doctor, do you have

any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?


	2. chapter two frightened you'll slip away

Disclaimer: I am not Clarice Starling, or Dr. Hannibal lector, and neither are you for that matter. If you believe me to be lying then, I would suggest a good Psychiatrist. (No pun intended). No seriously, the usual declaimer (I don't own them, I am no one), still applies.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
At that very second she knew that she had sealed her fate. She had uttered her last words. She was soon to be demised, and shuffled of this mortal coil. Dr Lecter would never forgive her for such blunt disrespect. The saddest part was that she wasn't sorry; in fact she wouldn't take back a word of it even if she could. She hated her life, and wasn't a bit upset to find that it might soon be ending.  
  
True, she would never have committed suicide as that would show weakness. But dieing at the hands of a mad man and hanging on till the last breath, now that would show greatness and strength. Oh, who was she kidding, no one would ever see her the way she wished they would. Except possibly for him.  
  
Either way though, she wasn't sorry. For years she had been among the living dead, burning in her own mind made hell.What was hard though was waiting to die. Waiting for something, anything to happen. Not a word had been uttered since she had made what could very well be the last mistake of her life. The silence was almost maddening. No change that, the silence  
  
was maddening. She was prepared for almost anything.  
  
What she wasn't prepared for though, was what happened next. She heard him take a breath and she knew he had been holding it. Then he simply said "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."  
  
Clarice was in shock, and unable to speak. Where she had expected anger she instead got pure honesty. She didn't have much time to think about it as he soon spook.  
  
"Yes I do". Had he repeated himself, she was confused and unable to think. "And to prove it, I have not gotten personal and you have." That was true, she couldn't deny it. He had simply asked polite friendly questions regarding her current position. She was the one who had uttered those unnecessary and cruel words.  
  
"What now?" The question was out before she even realized she could speak again. There was a long pause, as if he was considering how to respond. No that was preposterous; he always knew what to say.  
  
Again he spoke. "That is entirely up to you agent starling." Suddenly she felt comfortable and relaxed as though she was in a dream. As if realizing this Dr lecter suddenly responded. "This is no dream, Clarice". She began to wonder if her could read her mind, but soon realized that she didn't really care.  
  
He had been awfully quiet threw out this conversation as if he was giving her time to sort out her thoughts. When she felt her voice return she decided to throw out the words that had been lingering in her mind, before she lost all her nerve. "Dr. Lecter, I'm sorry."  
  
'No". He seemed angry. "Do not apologize for being yourself Clarice".  
  
Suddenly she felt rather defensive. "I'm not; I'm apologizing for not being myself. I'm apologizing for becoming the type of person they wanted me to be." Had she said that out loud? It suddenly felt as though the room was spinning.  
  
"They, being the FBI". He didn't sound at all surprised at her admittance.  
  
"Tell me Clarice, Do you ever entertain thoughts of leaving them?" "I..." was all she managed to utter. She didn't want to answer that. She stared at the floor below her.  
  
"I don't believe the answer lies on that rather despicable rug, Clarice." He could see her; she suddenly began scanning the whole room with her eyes searching for some kind of clue as to his whereabouts. She knew that he couldn't be in the room or she would have known. At least that was what she was telling herself. Still he had to be somewhere close by, but where?  
  
"Clarice, I do believe you would have to be rather ignorant to ignore me given the circumstances." Well that did it. Now she was officially confused. What circumstances? She didn't even where he was. "Where are you Dr. Lecter?"  
  
She heard him laugh on the other end." Now that really would be telling, wouldn't it?" "Still you haven't even answered my original question."  
  
"What question was that?" She was trying to by herself time. Afraid that answering that question would put her in an extreme disadvantage.  
  
"Clarice, you really would be wasting my time by forcing me to repeat myself. Especially when you are fully aware of what I asked."  
  
Darn it she thought. Why does he always have to know everything? Still she supposed that he finding out was inevitable, so she might as well tell him now. "I'll be turning in my resignation in a few weeks." "There is no hope for my career".  
  
"Unless you turned me in." "Then do you think they would have you back, Clarice?"  
  
Clearly confused at why he had turned the conversation in this direction. Still she decided to play along, as he did enjoy his games. "Yes, I suppose they would, I haven't really thought much about it." That was a lie. She would often sit for hours and contemplate how easy it would be to get back on the FBI's side if she were to arrest Dr. Lecter. "Tsk, tsk. I thought you knew better then to lie to me."  
  
Now she was starting to get apprehensive as he really seemed really angry. Of course his anger was warranted given the current situation. She had lied to him yet again. Suddenly she became very grateful that this was just a simple phone conversation, and that she wasn't being forced look into those maroon eyes. Those eyes could see right into the darker side of her. The side she hid from the rest of the world, and sometimes even from herself. Lying to him was definitely pointless as he would ultimately find out the truth anyway. If he didn't already know. It was herself she was worried about.  
  
If she honestly answered that question she was sure he'd see how much she really did care for him. And she didn't want him to know ,afraid of what he might do or say. Afraid she might actually love him. She didn't want to know the truth. Wasn't ready to understand why she would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and scream out his name as though she was searching for him. True she knew she found him attractive, she had stopped denying that. But love was an entirely different matter. Could she love a monster? Is he a monster? No she was defiantly not ready to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  
  
Clarice's mind was spinning; her thoughts were all becoming blurry. What should  
  
she say to him? I love you. No she couldn't jut simply say that, even if it was true.  
  
Besides he probably already knew. As he knows everything. Suddenly the words he  
  
musical Evita started to play in her head. "Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that  
  
I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling. Frightened you'll slip away."  
  
So that was what was wrong, I'm afraid he won't want me. It was as if a cloud  
  
that had been hanging over her head, was now being lifted. Although, that soon became a  
  
bad thing. As she suddenly began to wonder if he would in fact reject her. Once again she  
  
had been so lost in thought that she had forgotten she was on the phone with him, and  
  
forgetting about Dr. Lecter is not a good idea.. 


	3. Chapter 3

Dr. Lector voiced seemed to convey his annoyance.  
Are you intentionally trying to ignore me Agent Starling?  
I can assure you that it would be quite unwise to continue on this path that you find yourself on. If...

"Don't Call me that?" Had she just interrupted him?

Would you prefer it if I referred to you as ex- special agent starling, or maybe you would prefer Miss Starling? Hmn?  
Why should I address you by your first name unless you are willing to return the favor. Would you call me by my first name, Clarice? Can you even bear to say my name?  
Would you allow yourself to be on a first name bases with someone like myself? What if the FBI had tapped the phone line?  
Can you imagine the rumors that would circulate? You have no even begun..

"Hannibal". The name flowed from her lips before she had a chance to stop it. Had she done it simply to stop his ranting, or had she just admitted something to herself?

Hannibal she repeated again. She loved the way his name rolled off of her tongue like it was meant to be spoken.

"Clarice" It was a simple reply but her name was uttered with more emotion then she would ever have thought she could provoke in another human being.  
The fact that the emotion was been displayed by someone who was thought to have no feelings, simply made is seem more special.

She was suddenly overcome with a need to see him,to touch and feel him. How could she possibly explain how much she was longing for him? Would he laugh at her or taunt her?  
What if this really was just a game to him? Could she tell him I need you. She wasn't sure how to start.  
She heard him take a deep breath.

I believe that my ears may be deceiving me. Did you just admit to needing a serial killer?

Oh crap was the first thought that came to mind. Had she said that out loud. How could she have done something stupid? If his desire was to torment or tease her she had just provided him with enough material to last for years.

Should she tell him that it was a joke? No, he would see threw her lie instantly. Could she hang up, simply forget that this conversation had ever taken place? Then she could go home and go on with her life, and she could just be..Just be, what? What would she go home to?  
She had no home. There was no one there when she came in the door at night. Nobody cared for her at all. Except possibly him. So what would she if she went home? She would just be miserable for the rest of her life. 


End file.
